a new kind of fast

21 Oct

Amidst the nine other internet tabs I had going at one point the other day, I ran across an article from a blog I love called “Good Women Project”. This blog is an INCREDIBLE resource for women trying to become better friends, wives, girlfriends, people, and daughters of Christ. I stumbled across an article that caught me a little off guard, and even more so sparked an overwhelming attitude of conviction. The article was called “The Life I Discovered Inside Of 13 Days Without Social Media.”

(Check it out here: http://goodwomenproject.com/daily-life/13-days-without-social-media)

Being a college freshmen obsessed with the lives of my friends scattered across the country, the idea of giving up all social media terrified me. Twitter and Facebook have become my go-to when I’m bored, insecure, procrastinating, upset, or in need of a self-esteem boost. I became obsessed with the amount of likes I was getting on my new pictures. I soaked in retweets and favorites, as if they contributed anything to my self worth. Comments and wall posts became my daily bread. It was as if getting more likes on my profile picture defined how beautiful or satisfied I was.

On the other hand, these sites became exactly what destroyed my worth. When I didn’t get a like, or a favorite, or a retweet, somehow I told myself that I wasn’t enough. I wasn’t pretty enough, smart enough, witty enough, just not ENOUGH. I would scroll through hours of newsfeed, “casually” browsing through the pictures of my friends at other schools. I’d see them in pictures with people I had never met before, beautiful and mysterious to me. They would be having fun–more fun that I was obviously having– and I was jealous.

So unbelievably jealous.

They must have had a thousand new friends. I had been replaced. Obviously, my social skills were subpar because I did not have that many friends. I wasn’t in THAT many pictures. No one was uploading pictures of me, saying “SO blessed by meeting this girl.”

It became a sick and unhealthy outlet for my loneliness. And it was just making things worse.

So when I ran across this article, I felt deep inside of me that this was something that was absolutely necessary. I had been talking talking talking about my struggles in adapting to school. All I have done since I’ve been here is talk about my discontentedness in this or that… The quote came to mind, “Have you PRAYED about it as much as you have talked about it?”………….

…..

BAMMM. It was like a knife to my soul. I have spent the past nine weeks complaining and crying about the minute issues I run across in my daily life. It’s been interesting to see that while I say aloud, “I’m trusting God in this”, my heart cries something completely different.

With all of this being said, I’ve decided to embark on a two week journey devoid of Twitter and Facebook. Thankfully, my Instagram has exactly zero followers, I follow zero people, and is used solely for fun editing of my pictures. So cheers to a full two weeks of looking inward, desperately dependent on the Creator of the Universe and Savior of my soul, invested in developing a prayer life that mirrors my talk.

I’m hoping to figure out what it means to be desperately dependent on the Creator, rather than my notifications tab.

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